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Tuesday, October 05, 2010 2:56 AM
Make criticisms work for you

Often, when we ask for critical comments, what we usually hope to get are compliments. Who wants to be criticised anyways? After all, criticisms always seem out to wound our pride and deflate our ego.
But are all criticisms malicious and biased? Should we simply block off these sharp remarks and pretend we have not heard them?
On the other hand, can criticisms be objective and constructive? Can criticisms really help us to improve? How should we react when we are criticised?
When our pride has been bruised, is it not easy to look at things from an unbiased view point.
When ever we find ourselves the target of someone's penetrating remarks, we get sore and the slightest provocation can easily spark off a rage. We become hypersensitive and suspicious and often we start to shut ourselves off from any further comments even if these are actually well-meaning.
After our self-steem has taken a beating, we start to react impulsively to every word and every nuance. If we lose control over our feelings and allow our frustration to be released uncurbed, we can only make the situation worse. Hasty reactions seldom help to remedy the situation. If anything, it will merely worsen things and show that we are unable to accept advice graciously.
Are you getting the most out of criticisms? How can you make criticisms work for you?

Ponder over it
In order to benefit from other people's assessments, pause for a moment and ecamine the cricisms objectively. Be careful though, for being receptive to criticisms does not mean simply smiling in agreement. You must learn to identify those criticisms which can actually help you to improve and those which cannot.
Not all criticisms are unkind, unjustified words from someone out to hurt you. Some people are just not very tactful and their good intentions can easily be mistaken for nastiness. Their comments may very well be sincere and legitimate, so do not brush this aside.
On the other hand, you should be wary of those who seem overly confident and ever willing to offer their supposedly worthwhile observations. Most of these very eloquent critics have very little constructive suggestions to offer. Comments that are cleverly worded are not always useful ones. Some are the result of mere sarcasm, meant to discredit and intimidate you. Your best response will be to ignore them.

Control your temper
Sometimes when someone has, deliberately or not, belittled your efforts and hurt your feelings, it is very difficult to keep your temper under control. But nothing will be gained from launching an immediate counter-attack.
Instead of lashing out in a moments' anger, give yourself time to cool down. When you are sufficiently calm, think over the remarks. Are they well-founded? Decide for yourself if they are reasonable and helpful. Look at the situation with an unjaundiced eye. Remind yourself not to get too sensitive and overwrought. Do not shut your mind off by setting up a defensive barrier.

Act on the fair criticisms
Once you have decided that a particular criticisms is constructive, the next step is to accept it with a positive attitude and do something about it. A constructive criticisms will only be helpful if you act on it. Consider the things you will gain and think over how you should work to get them. Make extra efforts to improve.
It would also be a nice gesture on your part if you take the trouble to express your appreciation to the critic. This basic courtesy not only reflects maturity of character, but also your sense of responsibility. At the same time, it can help establish a rapport between you and your critic, leading to a deeper and more trusting relationship. Show that you have taken heed of the recommendations and that you intend to find ways to remedy your errors or overcome your weakness.

Ignore the unjust criticisms
If, after careful consideration, you are quite certain about a comment has been lashed out in spite and malice, just ignore it.
YOu can toss and turn in bed or tear out in your hair in desperation over some harsh remarks, but nothing is going to change. No one except yourself will be any worse off, so stop torturing yourself. Do not lose sleep because someone was sarcastic and mean. If someone is out to hurt your feelings, the defence is to disregard the harsh and unthinking comments. Why make life hard for yourself just beacuse of someone else's insensitivity? Sometimes, irresponsible comments are made on the spur of the moment. While these may hurt, they are usually harmless. Do not take them too seriously. If they prove to just petty grievances, do not upset yourself over them.
And do not be too hard on the culprit. Unkind things are often uttered in anger. Everybody does it one time or other. Forgive and forget and be a happier person.

Ask for explanation
If you think that certain criticisms are biased or unjustified, do not simply attack the other part in an aggressive manner or cry on your sleep thinking every sleepless nights. Instead of getting abusive and hurtful, adopt a diplomatic tone. Ask for an explanation if there are any comments that you are uncertain about. You should of course keep an open mind. Do not bump into conclusions so fast and ruin your own life.

Use humour
Careless comments can sometimes turn a friendly dialogue into a heated and touchy debate. Under such highly charged setting, it is only natural that you act impulsively. Hostility and antagonism start to set in and this can eventually turn into an ugly situation.
Instead of exploding in fury at being made the target of insulting remarks, it will save everyone the discomfort and agitation caused by a full-blown verbal battle if you just use a little humour.
Ignore the offending remarks. Learn to laugh away the mean words and unfair comments. Sprinkle some humour over the tense atmosphere.

Show your confidence
If you frequently display and aversion for criticisms, others will soon become reluctant to offer any constrictive criticism or advice. THis means you will not have to be subjected to the agony of taunting and often biased accusations, but you will also be forfeiting yourself of possibly beneficial and well-meaning observations. Instead of honest opinions, others may resort to the flattery and false praise they feel you desire.
Words may inflict hurting and shameful wounds on your pride, but if they are will-intentioned and offer helpful advice, they certainly deserve your attention.
Whether you can actually gain from them depends entirely on your attitude and on how you respond to them.



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